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| dining, videos, television, george w bush, dadfucks daughter, almost famous, weekly, surprise, | For Garden State, these scenes are so obvious as to act as a 2X4 to the skull. There's the nutty relative who stitches together a shirt that is an exact match for the upstairs bedroom's wallpaper. There is the zany, afflicted (in this case, epilepsy) free-spirit (Natalie Portman) who lives in a house filled to the brim with hamster cages, who simply must have a hamster cemetery in the backyard (no points for christian bauman guessing that we have to endure a hamster funeral). And then we have the eccentric family who live in christian bauman an abandoned boat. Or the guy who collects Desert Storm trading cards, and laments the fact that his Wolf Blitzer has been stolen. And yes, there's a shot of a dog humping the hero's leg in a hospital waiting room. And what about when our hero wakes up after a night of drug use and sees a knight walking through the kitchen, only to discover that it's a friend of a friend who works at Medieval Times (are they really allowed to wear their costumes -- especially a suit of armor -- home at night)? |
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| Rather than submit to my bloodlust, however, all I could muster was almost famous a snotty "booooo!" which for me, I might add, was a first. Think about that for a moment: I've sat through The Master of Disguise, Men in Black II, My Boss's Daughter, and Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, and this is the only time I have actually booed. And even now, no part of me wishes almost famous to apologize for it. What went wrong, you ask? Let's begin with a common mistake, at least for budding almost famous screenwriters and first-time filmmakers -- "patchwork quirkiness." You know the drill: rather than tell a story or develop interesting characters, the filmmaker throws together dozens of scenes that make no sense within the context of the film, largely because they were conceived by a young prick who collected random thoughts in a dog-eared notebook over several years in the hope that one day his bloated smattering of paper would find a buyer. Because these "thoughts" were jotted down over a long period of time, they don't really belong to a single movie, but simply must be included in a debut feature because they're "too cool" to remain behind. |
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