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I crawled to the bathroom, where the pain caused me to start puking. He asked what was wrong, and I news told him to get the fuck out of my house. I called my mom at work. She explained that the first time hurts and thanked me for sharing. news In between hurling, I said that this couldn't be normal. She told me to get to a hospital. My boyfriend came back and carried me to the car. After having every resident in the ER stick his hand up me and having two orderlies hold my knees apart so they could stick what looked like a dildo in me for an ultrasound, they determined that the sex had caused a cyst on my ovary to rupture. The doctors thanked me for making them part of my first time. I was too doped up to say "go fuck yourselves." Do I win? —First Time Not All That A. No, FTNAT, you don't win. Mary Mother of God wins—but I'd say you come in a damn-close second, with MCNLS a close third.
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